Alone Time... something we all need in order to stay sane. We all may chuckle and say "I don't need any down time"; but secretly we are desire and need a little time to ourselves to be still (and alone). This poses a very challenging situation to the parents who lavish our children with time and attention, when do we schedule time for ourselves between spouses, children, playdates, work and volunteer activities. The reason I bring this up is because being home with the kids over the summer I get very little "Michelle" time. Now, I love my kids and I share every waking (and sleeping) moment with my kids and normally this is a wonderful and delightful time however... two things have happened that make me search my inner being and pose the question "Is alone time possible without guilt?".First, while at the beach house in July, Sarah commented that I have learned the ability to tune out my children. This was in passing and it didn't bother me at all; Sarah and I have a great relationship were we can be honest and open with each other so it I didn't even blink at the comment seeing the situation. We were on holiday with Sherm, Judy, Sarah, Andy, myself and during weekends Jim; Deryck and Ashley behaved wonderfully for the most part and I took the opportunity to actually read an entire book and knit a little while at the beach house. The kids had the attention of at least 5 family members, each other and adoring little Theo the entire time. We stayed at a huge house on the beach were the kids could run, play, and enjoy themselves. And yes, I admit I felt it was okay to tuned out a little while there.
The Second, is while at home with the kids. Now if you don't know this will possibly shock you but Ashley has decided to move back into "our" bed now that Jim is working graves. Which of course means that my every move is in close proximity to one and sometimes both children. I of course could move her back upstairs but honestly, who likes to sleep alone. So, my personal dilemma is at the root of all things my own creation. I have taken to waiting until the kids are sleeping and "sneaking" downstairs for a long hot shower or waking each morning a little earlier to sip some coffee or tea. However my time is now cut short, because Ashley sleeps rather lightly and seems to sense my departure and wakes to either join me in the shower or snuggle into my lap in the wee hours of the morning. Causing me to feel very guilty and slightly ashamed that I desire alone time.
This morning I quietly cried (for no reason but the guilt of wanting time alone) while snuggling with my sweet Ashley, sipping tea, as she whispered its okay mommy and wiped away my tears. We shared a quiet moment together and I tucked my tears and my guilt into a hidden place inside my heart, finished my tea and then played Barbies until Deryck woke up. So, this is my question for you all to ponder...Is Alone Time possible without feeling guilty?
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